Water + Otakon = Meme?

“I got your ice cold water! And it’s only one dollar!”

If you were at Otakon 2011 for any length of time, you are not only familiar with the above words, but they are tattooed onto your brain.

From Thursday through early Sunday afternoon, one of the numerous beverage vendors lined up along Pratt Street outside of the Baltimore Convention Center is standing out from the rest. More ripped than Major Armstrong, clad in sunglasses, shorts, and (why not?) a weight belt, the vendor enthusiastically sings over and over into a bullhorn the following chant:

“I got your ice cold water!
And it’s only one dollar!
I got your ice cold water!
And it’s only one dollar!
I got your ice, ice,
Cold, cold
Ice, ice
Cold, cold
I got your ice cold water…”

The chant appeared to be set to the theme from “Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers.” Peddling nothing more than half-liter bottles of Nirvana brand water, his simple yet unique approach to advertising drew crowds and their cameras. At one point, even Otakon staff members were seen filming his pitch for inclusion on the website.

“Can I autotune you?” an attendee in the crowd asks, his Droid already recording.

The man behind the bullhorn goes by the name of Josh. He and his wife Candice, who assists with sales, are Baltimore residents and were also present at Otakon 2010, sans musical chant. During their four sixteen-hour workdays outside the convention center, the couple estimates that over 100 cases of water were sold. “Honestly, I’ve lost count,” Candice says. At twenty-four bottles to a case, this translates to a gross profit of close to $2500, minus the Baltimore street vendor fees.

During Otakon’s hiatus, Josh’s day job is living proof as to why he is so overzealous about hydration.

“Personal trainer,” he says before turning away to complete another sale.

He may be a quiet man when it comes to conversation, but Josh was noticeably appreciative of his new fans. He posed for photographs, performed for rolling video cameras, and never forgot a “thank you.” Before long, otaku passing by were giving the pair loose singles simply because of his notoriety.

His chant was being repeated by attendees. Pro- and anti-“ice cold water guy” messages were filling up Twitter, Tumblr, and Facebook. Weight belts were flying off of local sporting goods store shelves, quickly becoming part of last-minute cosplay outfits.

OK, I made that last part up. Nevertheless, the fact that Josh and his catchy chant were circulating around the Internet like Google Plus invites could only mean one thing: he’s on his way to becoming the next meme. Cries of “ice cold water!” could very well replace “Marco!” or “Buttscratcha!” at future conventions. Heated, misspelled forum and Twitter debates will form over the exact words in the chant and to what melody it was set. And finally, Otakon enjoys a new stake of popularity that is NOT a fire alarm.

Meet Rachel, an attendee from Allentown, Pennsylvania. She has the distinction of purchasing the very last ice cold water from Josh and Candice. She laughed and admitted no real reaction when informed that she helped close the chapter of the net’s latest celebrity.

As for Josh and Candice? The batteries were removed from the bullhorn, the cooler’s lid was shut, and off they walked, presumably to watch “Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers.”

(Very special thanks to Lauren Orsini, who helped me out immensely with this post; do yourself a favor and check out her site, for her writing pwns all that is pwnable)

Panel: OMG! WTF Did I Just Watch?!

On Friday night of Otakon 2011, I and over 200 others watched as a giant chicken and frog promoted a device that automatically opens and closes your toilet lid.

What, how did you spend YOUR Friday night?!

The above commercial was one of numerous Japanese television clips collected by panel host Deuce Loosely, of Deuce Loosely Productions. Accurately communicating the phrase “WTF” using methods other than three keys on the left side of QWERTY keyboards, Loosely had his audience in equal parts amusement and shock throughout the duration of the presentation. The 18+ offering was held shortly after midnight, conveniently adjacent to most folks’ periods of REM sleep. Oh joy.

Among the offerings:

–Images of a happy family are displayed. The mother and father coo joyously over their new baby, who is still breastfeeding. Things take a sharp turn into the dark side when the couple’s older child has jealousy get the better of him. Grabbing a bottle of poison, he paints drops of it on his mother’s exposed breasts while she and her husband sleep. The next morning, she awakens with a bloodcurdling scream…

…at the sight of her husband deceased in bed, foam on his mouth.

Dear random Japanese insurance company: Flo the Progressive Lady and the Geico cavemen have NOTHING on you. NOTHING.

–A DJ Ozma music video featuring naked men dancing (and playing baseball) atop a roof…holding fans that strategically cover each other’s genital areas.

–Several clips of Japanese wrestling matches that display common wrestling moves like the pile-driver and bodyslam being performed…from atop platforms 20+ feet in the sky.

–A game show seriously punishing laughter. Several men are gathered in a classroom, where a video of a Japanese man poorly attempting to read simple English plays. The man’s attempts are truly pathetic, a consistent rhythm of stutters and false starts interspersed with periods of reading the numeral “20” as “ten ten” (and, naturally, the numeral “100” as “ten ten ten ten…”).

Those who laugh at the video are marked “out” and have that status certified with—what else?—a caning.

This makes the “Price is Right” losing trumpet riff sound like heavenly music.

–A game show that went on to be the crowd favorite. Taking place in a library, several young men are playing a rather simple game: each one is issued a card and whoever receives the card with a skull must face a brutal physical punishment, which changes from round to round. During each punishment, the recipient cannot make a sound louder than a whisper, thanks to the library location. To ice the cake, joining them is Japanese kickboxing champion Ernesto Hoost, who possesses the same look and build of Michael Clarke Duncan.

Think of it as “Jackass: The Party Game.”

The punishments range from having one’s nose hair pulled to suffering a bat strike to the ass. Spoons that spent the past hour in boiling water were applied to the stomach. At one point, an elderly man removes his dentures and nibbles ferociously on the skull card recipient’s ear.

Afterwards, Hoost treats everyone to an evening out at a karaoke bar.

“WTF” was truly redefined, perhaps even intensified, at Loosely’s panel. The audience, one to two hours away from life-changing nightmares, were amused throughout, their satisfaction level at a full ten ten ten ten ten ten ten ten ten ten percent.

PinHat

Wizard World East 2011 may now be part of the past, but few people know that, out of it, something new was born.

Whenever I travel to conventions (or pretty much anywhere), I inevitably come across pins or buttons. Sometimes they’re free, a form of promotion. Other times, they cost a very low price (I’ve seen tables offering anywhere from one to ten pins/buttons for $1). As a result, I’ve managed to get my hands on a number of these things, all of which I swear I will add to my apartment’s Pee-Wee-Herman-meets-Ernest-P.-Worrell decor. Aside from a few comic book-related pins (proudly residing in my comic book-themed bathroom) and a set of buttons displaying Bowser and his seven offspring (who knew the “Super Mario Bros.” villain was one Koopaling away from being Mushroom World’s OctoKoop?), the majority of my pointy souvenirs have collected dust on various structures in my room.

Well, I’ve decided to change all of that.

I went into a thrift store close to Wizard World’s downtown Philadelphia location and bought the following hat for $3

A close-up of its price tag:

The apparent lack of a decimal point on the store’s pricing gun initially makes this felt accessory seem a hell of a lot more expensive than it actually is. I considered leaving it on there until I realized that ACTUAL $300 hats out there probably wouldn’t be marked so with such pricing stickers. Also, they wouldn’t have the scent of discontinued brand soap permanently engrained into their fibers, a dead giveaway that the item came from a store with the word “dollar” and/or “thrift” in its name.

I’m going to attach all of my pins to this hat. The same goes for any pins I may acquire at future conventions or elsewhere.

When the entire hat is covered in pins and buttons, I will retire the “Blinky” hat, which has been a staple of my Inochiblog wear up to this point, and don this ridiculous accessory at each and every convention I cover in the future.

So far, the pins in my possession are the following:

Needless to say, they won’t do the job of completely covering the hat. With Otakon coming up in about a month and Intervention in September, my pin and button collection is certain to grow. My goal is to debut the hat at Anime USA 2011, assuming I have an appropriate (meaning embarrassing) amount of metal attached to it.

I’ve already started:

Pictured is a Link pin I acquired from Zenkaikon IV that originally joined the Blinky hat in my official Inochiblog costume. I figure it (and perhaps a soon-to-be-acquired Blinky pin) will be appropriate front-of-the-hat signage.

Wish me luck!

I Went to the Con and All I Got Were These STDs

Contracting an illness at a convention is unfortunately all too possible. Gather hundreds, or even thousands, of people together in one area and germs are certain to be spread; the chance of getting sick multiplies on multi-day events. The fact that many fan conventions can attract those folks who don’t go out into public much, thus ensuring a weakened immune system, also increases the possibility of post-con sickness.

In years past, my DVDs, posters, books, and infinite supply of business cards, fliers, and pins haven’t been the only things that followed me home from a convention. The common cold, fever, and even a case of the flu itself have all, at one point or another, tacked an unpleasant postscript to my most recent convention experience. I’d be lying if I said my recent attendance at downtown Philadelphia’s Wizard World East 2011 was any different.

While there, I got gonorrhea on Friday. As if that wasn’t bad enough, on Sunday, I found myself with herpes.

Seriously.

Now, if you’re wondering why I’m writing about this instead of fleeing to the nearest physician or, at the very least, weeping alone in a corner, scratching my private region profusely (which is how I wake up every morning), allow me to explain. The diseases did not come to me by way of an unclean furry or fangirl. First of all, no such specimens really captured my eye that weekend. Secondly, the strains of herpes and gonorrhea I acquired weren’t of the infectious variety, but rather of the plushie variety.

Welcome to a rather prominent booth located toward the main floor’s front doors!

A temporary brick-and-mortar version of Drew Oliver’s “Giant Microbes” website, the Giant Microbes display featured those microbes making up common sexually-transmitted diseases. Each respective creature is a felt-and-stuffing version of its molecular counterpart, magnified one million times. Cards detailing which disease is represented, as well as fun trivia about said disease, are affixed to the plushies.

Needless to say, I *had* to have one.

Upon my first sighting of the booth on Friday, I found it extremely difficult to select just one. I realize STDs and VDs are indeed serious medical conditions, but come on. I’m a 30-year-old guy who is a fan of everything from Tucker Max to “Beavis and Butt-head”; of COURSE I’m going to find such conditions nothing short of hilarious. But which to choose?! My plushie collection (which, at the time, was severely lacking in the Giant Microbes department) could have a cute little Chlamydia added to it. How adorable would my stuffed Domo-kun or Tribble look with a giant HIV cell on their lap? On lonely nights, I could snuggle under my covers, gripping the warmth of a syphilis cell magnified a million times as I fall asleep.

I have issues.

I ultimately settled on:

Yup, Gonorrhea, better known as “The Clap.” Fun fact from my new little plushie pal’s attached card: the term “clap” originates from the French word “clapier,” which translates to “brothel.” Seems like a fitting nickname to me. Since I possess the maturity of a 12-year-old, I of course went around to my various friends, touching them with my $9 purchase, and boasting “I just gave you gonorrhea!” When I wasn’t rubbing it on them, I was proclaiming…a little too proudly…that I was a “carrier of gonorrhea.” The possibility for jokes, and even double-entendre-filled dialogue, is endless:

PERSON A: “Look! I got gonorrhea!”
PERSON B: “Well, what did you expect for nine bucks?”

Fast forward to Sunday of the convention. I had spent the past day and a half making purchases that did NOT resemble magnified STD cells/molecules (although if I saw something ion my molecular structure shaped like the inflatable d20 I purchased (at the price of $1 per side), I’d go to a doctor). My rounds brought me back to the Giant Microbes booth, where I once again found myself desperate to part with the better part of ten dollars. Keep in mind that, when some urine-soaked, scraggly bum approaches me in a train station, using what’s left of his voice to beg me for spare change, I tell him that I am just as broke as he is. I have priorities.

I asked the booth manager which diseases have been top sellers.

“Chlamydia, herpes, and kissing disease (infectious mononucleosis),” he replied. “I used to sell a lot of sperm and HIV.”

“Yeah, I already have gonorrhea.”

Chalk that one up to “Discussions I never imagined I would have with someone.”

After some difficult decision-making, I decided that the addition of herpes to my gonorrhea would be appropriate. The salesman agreed, primarily because it meant he could pocket an additional nine bucks.

So there you have it. I left Wizard World East 2011 with gonorrhea and herpes. I plan to keep them forever (in the latter’s case, I understand such a feeling is mutual).

If you want your own disease plushies, I strongly suggest checking out Giant Microbes’ site at giantmicrobes.com. You’ll notice that the site offers a plethora of different diseases and germs for sale, not just those contracted by people who only wanted to undergo a little sexual exploration. They’d make great gifts for that friend or family member in the medical field who already seems to have everything (especially if they’re a proctologist). I imagine that, in some deeply twisted context, such items could even be educational.

Besides, how cool would it be to say that your local mail carrier gave you syphilis?

Free Stuff!

When you pay anywhere from twenty to seventy (yes, SEVENTY) dollars to get into a fan convention, only to be greeted by a floor full of dealers, artists, and celebrities thirsting for MORE of your money, it makes sense that free stuff is very sought after. At Wizard World conventions, where someone who hasn’t done even a sub-par movie since the advent of the VHS format charges twice the price of your admission to scribble down their own name, free stuff is pretty much all that the fans can afford before long.

As I spent Father’s Day weekend 2011 strolling around the floor of downtown Philadelphia’s Pennsylvania Convention Center, browsing the offerings of Wizard World East 2011, I kept my sixth sense honed into any and all free stuff being offered. The most usual items offered include business cards, postcard-size fliers, posters, stickers, and pins. Very blah, in this blogger’s humble opinion (and if you don’t agree, start your own damn blog). Only truly unique freebies will have the distinction of making it onto the pages of Inochiblog here. Such as…

MASK

The folks at Avatar Press were promoting their latest offering, Crossed, with, among other things, an assortment of free masks. Presumably, the face held in place over your own by Burger-King-birthday-crown-quality straps is that of one of the main characters. I have no clue. All I *do* know is that the friends I was with at the time stated in no uncertain terms that they would refuse to associate with me were I to wear the mask. This greatly disappointed yours truly, who wished to view the entirety of “Green Lantern” later on that evening through the mask’s eye holes. According to a healthy number of critics out there, it would have served me well to have kept the eye holes covered while doing so.

BAG THAT IS LARGER THAN THE SWAG BAG OFFERED BY THE CONVENTION

I am in no way interested in joining the National Guard, primarily because I flat-out refuse to guard a nation that glorifies “American Idol” and overall stupidity. I must admit, however, that the bags its representatives brought to Wizard World were pretty decent, in that, as you can see, they are significantly larger than the bags given out by the convention itself. In fact, at many points, my official Wizard World East 2011 bag was INSIDE this one.

COIN

The National Guard does it again! This time, my tax dollars forged a freebie in the form of a rather colorful coin. Not a pin. Not a sticker. A damn COIN. True, the coin probably possesses the exact value (probably less) of the price I paid for it (jack shit), but it's still a damn COIN. I could, like, flip it and stuff. I could be an exceptionally patriotic Two Face. For all I know, that's where the former Harvey Dent is headed upon DC Comics' universe revamp this coming September.

MINTS

MyPHL17, Philadelphia’s Tribune Broadcasting-owned television network, had a presence at the convention. In addition to freebies like posters and stickers, the table’s underpaid associates greeted the top and bottom of each hour with a spin of a large prize wheel sitting upon their table. Spaces on the wheel were reserved for various MyPHL17 syndicated programs, including “Family Guy,” “Burn Notice,” “Big Bang Theory,” etc. If a contestant correctly answers a trivia question about the program in question, he/she/it will win a small prize. Since said prize costs nothing more than your knowledge of syndicated television, it thus counts as a free item.

My correct guess at some question concerning “Burn Notice” landed me a tin of mints. In a convention full of people emitting breath that smells so rank it ALMOST overpowers their body odor, a tin of mints would seem totally out of place. However, I and my then-current bout of halitosis welcomed them with an open mouth.

COPIES OF “THE ONION”

The popular satire publication “The Onion” recently (within the past year) brought its free weekly newspaper to the streets of Philadelphia. Also represented via table at Wizard World East 2011, their offerings included the standard assortment of business cards, pins (including a great one reading “Fuck Off; I’m Reading the Onion”), etc. Also scattered around the table were free copies of a few past issues.

Works for me.

A HALL PASS

The Inkbot table got creative with their giveaways, at least when it came to their webcomic “Mallville.” Included among the assortment of postcards festooned with their URL and various titles was a mock hall pass, designed to tie directly in with the goings-on of Mallville.

Plus, the next time I happen to create extra-dimensional female trouble, I have proper documentation for my file.

Zenkaikon V is Here!

In my hotel room five floors above the Valley Forge Convention Center in suburban Philadelphia, I just unpacked the old Blinky hat for Zenkaikon V.

Although this is Inochiblog’s first year at Zenkaikon, it is my third time attending the rather young, yet rapidly expanding, convention. Zenkaikon was the first convention I attended devoted exclusively to anime; prior to that, my convention outings were limited to those celebrating video games or comics/pop culture. Thanks to it, my eyes were opened wide to a genre that had, at best, a few tables scattered around the other conventions. What’s more, its fans tended to be the happiest and most devoted group of people I have ever seen at an event.

This year, I am elated to be on the official staff of Zenkaikon as a blogger. The folks who bring an overabundance of anime to my current home region of suburban Philadelphia each year are exceptionally hardworking and dedicated to the success of their event and to the assurance that it will be enjoyed by all of its attendees and guests. This year, their efforts have resulted in, for the first time in its history, a third day of activities.

If you are anywhere near the Philadelphia area, I highly suggest that you attend Zenkaikon as it celebrates its fifth year. There is plenty of parking to be had within the convention center’s massive lot, and two bus lines link riders to certain suburban destinations as well as downtown Philadelphia itself.

I will see you there!

Check out the convention’s official website at zenkaikon.com.

Kotoricon 2011: Wrap-Up

Two days. Three campus buildings. Guests, vendors, performers, volunteers, artists, and of course otaku galore. Things have certainly come quite a long way for Gloucester County College’s Kotoricon anime convention. It seems like it was in its infancy only last year.

Oh, wait. It WAS in its infancy last year.

In the year’s worth of time bridging Kotoricon 2010, the debut convention, and Kotoricon 2011, the event grew by leaps and bounds in all areas. This is rather impressive for many reasons, a key one being that its freshman year was pretty remarkable itself. I appeared at Kotoricon 2010 to help promote Inochicon 2010 and was impressed with not only its offerings, but also the turnout. Anime fans and curious parties alike were drawn to this small college in a quiet New Jersey suburb to quench their anime/video game/comic book thirst while waiting for larger area conventions like Zenkaikon, Otakon, and AnimeNEXT to come back around again. It’s a safe bet, especially given the success of Kotoricon 2011, that not a single person left Kotoricon 2010 unsatisfied.

Sadly, I was not able to make the convention’s gaming tournaments on its opening day, but I was thankful to spend all day Saturday within the halls of the College Center. My sole complaint is that the time flew by too fast; I’m not sure if I can really fault Kotoricon staff for that drawback. While each of its many volunteers wore many hats and performed many duties throughout the day, slowing or outright halting the Earth’s rotation most likely wasn’t in the job description.

I have been to numerous conventions throughout the past few years, conventions which crowded fans of all sorts of genres into spacious convention centers and hotel floors. While Kotoricon of course is not on that scale, it nevertheless successfully captured the same positive, fun atmosphere that draws this blogger to such events. Everyone I passed had a smile on his or her face. Friendliness abounded.

A hilarious panel and screening by the group Underbelly, two stand-up comedy performances (Uncle Yo and Cosplay Comedian Joe), one of many musical acts (Reni), and the masquerade contest were the offerings in which I found myself during Kotoricon 2011. Additionally, I wandered the dealers’ rooms and artists’ alley, treating my eyes to the numerous pieces of merchandise being offered.

I’d personally like to thank Dr. Susan Glenn and her entire staff for not only continued assistance throughout the day, but also for the opportunity to blog for Kotoricon 2011. I look forward to Kotoricon 2012, which could very well encompass each building on the Gloucester County College’s campus.

Kotoricon 2011: Cosplay Comedian Joe

Popular anime convention performer Cosplay Comedian Joe decided to make Kotoricon 2011 not only his first 2011 appearance, but also his first appearance ever at Kotoricon. This was not a task he took lightly. In addition to his popular stand-up, which Kotoricon staff scheduled just before the debut of the masquerade ceremonies (not exactly the worst time slot!), he hosted a number of panels earlier in the day, including a series of AMVs.

Donned in an Edward Elric outfit, Cosplay Comedian Joe entertained the crowd for over a half hour with his otaku-and-anime specific routines. These included a series of predictions for upcoming anime series (a new bit, he admitted), observations on strange combinations in anime, questions on the absurdity of anime titles (i.e. Bleach, One Piece, etc.), and voice actors having to explain to non-otaku their jobs. Joe closed the show with a musical parody of “The Twelves Days of Christmas” (dubbed “The Twelve Days of Anime Christmas”) and advice for graduating otaku when they attend future conventions. His claim that Edward does NOT like Roy was met with fierce but friendly opposition from the audience.

The multi-talented (and ever-working) Cosplay Comedian Joe can be found on Facebook at facebook.com/cosplaycomedianjoe and on Twitter at twitter.com/CosplayComedian.

Kotoricon 2011: Underbelly

Following their Saturday panel at Kotoricon 2011, I talked to a few members of the group “Underbelly.” I learned that the panel was not only their first at a convention, but in the words of one, “we were just kind of winging it.”

I and others who attended the panel would find this very hard to believe.

A steadily-growing crowd was treated to well over an hour of not only Underbelly’s trademark videos, but also a plethora of humor from the panelists/members that never missed a beat. Aimed at guests aged 17 and over, the members of Underbelly supplemented four of their videos (and one blooper reel) with trivia contests, Q&A, and general information about themselves and their work.

Underbelly is based largely out of Burlington and Gloucester Counties in New Jersey and is comprised of Justin Silverman, Newt Wallen, Kevin Bellardine, Frank Patterson, and Shawn Caple (as well as others from video to video, including panelist Katie Yetter). The members write, produce, direct, edit, and of course star in webisodes poking fun at anime (particularly Pokemon), video games, and comic books. You know, the usual stuff. Had they produced, for example, soap operas…well, I’d probably still watch their work, because whatever they would be capable of coming up with would be much better than anything Aaron Spelling could ever offer.

The panel kicked off with a trivia contest in which questions about anime/video game/comic book minutiae (such as: “What does the ‘donkey’ in ‘Donkey Kong’ mean?” (ANSWER: Nothing)) that were awarded with such prizes as:

–A “Mr. Slave” action figure from “South Park”;
–35MM trailers of such classic flicks as “Ernest Goes to Camp” and “National Treasure”;
–An oversized poster/banner of the George Clooney flick “Solaris” (a film which doesn’t make “Batman & Robin” seem like that much of a crime anymore)
–A “Star Wars” action figure…of Mace Windu
–The box that held the prizes (seriously)

The videos screened (and very warmly responded to) included “Friends to the End,” a recut episode of “Pokemon”; “4Kids is 4Idiots,” which details the numerous ways popular video distributor 4Kids ruined quality Japanese anime under the “for the children!” guise; “2 B.A. Master,” wherein a Pokemon fanatic is forced to attend “Pokeholics Anonymous”; and “Anime to Crapime,” detailing the evolution (should you wish to call it that) of Japanese animation from its early history to today. The final video shown was a blooper reel, featuring outtakes that happen to be just as hilarious as the content being produced. Needless to say, the DVD of the show was also given as a prize.

Informative and funny, the panel was a definite hit with its audience. Check out their Facebook page at facebook.com/underbellyshow as well as their Youtube channel at youtube.com/underbellyshow.

Kotoricon 2011: Uncle Yo

A friend (and possibly foe) to geeks and non-geeks alike, comedian Uncle Yo had a Saturday crowd full of otaku and casual fans laughing hysterically until the end of his performance at Kotoricon 2011.

Specializing in humor related to video games, anime, comic books, and the like, Uncle Yo has entertained crowds at conventions all across the country, from (as his biography suggests) Albuquerque to Albany. From stand-up performances to cosplay judging, he has done all there is to do for guests at the biggest and smallest of conventions. Kotoricon 2011 marked his first convention appearance of 2011.

His nearly-hour-long set included jokes related to Broadway’s “Spider-Man: The Musical,” roomba cleaning robots, the summer 2010 story about a bank robber dressed as Darth Vader, and, of course, instant messaging on airplanes. I won’t get into any specifics of his set, as he requested that audience members do not in any way record his performance (nor are they allowed to set him on fire). Besides, mere words cannot do his comedic stylings any justice whatsoever.

For more information on Uncle Yo, including where to buy DVDs and CDs of his unique brand of stand-up comedy, visit his website (which you are also not allowed to set on fire) at uncleyo.com.